stress of social media + life

 honestly something that has been really stressing me out lately is social media. in a way, it is like constant competition with peers and the rest of society. i know that social media is an inaccurate portrayal of someone's real life, but sometimes when i'm scrolling through Instagram or Tik Tok I feel like i'm not doing enough in my life. Like I don't dress trendy enough, or do trendy things. It makes my anxiety skyrocket through the rough, so one would think that I would delete my socials right? Instead I become attached to it and scroll mindless through my social media for hours. I use it as a distraction from my actual thoughts becauses sometimes existing can be debilitating. 

sometimes I see these "influencers" and get so jealous because they make money simply off social media. A majority of influences have dropped out of school and make money through sponsorships and brand deals. So when they post themselves working out and eating out for every meal, and getting expensive clothes for free, it is a little bit frustrating. I feel jealous not in an angry, or spiteful way, but in a sad way as pathetic as that sounds. I have no time to read for pleasure or to relax at all. It is constant work work work over here. 

I feel like as soon as I feel caught up with school work, three more assignments are piled on and I can't even do them that evening because I have work after school. It all sucks so bad and being an adult sucks. This is a really pessimistic post, so next week I will definitely try to be more positive, I just feel like I'm currently in a mental rut. I will say that I enjoy having things to do and feeling productive, but it's like if I don't do everything immediately and in a timely matter, then it piles up and becomes all too much. Anyways, see you next week with hopefully a better attitude on my end....